Out with the Old......

And then there was a new decade to explore. Hello 2010.
2009 went out with a bang. In the midst of a quiet and wondrous Christmas week, we were woken in the middle of the night by a thunderous crash that shook the house to the foundation. The dog ran from the mud room for safety and assurance. Corrina paused mid-phrase in her book. And I sat bolt upright in bed. "What the hell was that???!!??" Donning my slippers and robe and propping open my eyelids on instant alert channel. The winter wind was raging as I peeked out the bathroom window. A few branches on the roof and deck. Then I went downstairs and drew the blinds on the other side of the house - a holy shit moment. My north windows were completely obscurred by TREE. Up in your face scratching at your new windows tree. OK, well that explains things, and clarifies the next course of action - to assess the damage. I'm just not that fond of dressing warmly and slipping into the winter night, but the thought of gaping roof and snow falling on our heads spurred me onward. What presented on the outside was truly amazing. A 60 foot tree had fallen smack dab into the 10 foot gap between my house and my nighbors garage, wedging itself ino all available spaces. Giving a glancing blow to both structures to be sure, but inflicting what appeared to be relatively minor damage. Punctured fascia board, crumpled gutter, some wayward shingles, and sheared siding. My biggest fear was that the tree had buried my propane tank up next to the house. Sniff, sniff, sniff. Just cold winter air blowing about 35 miles an hour. Back inside, we pondered the possibilities, and continued to check our scents. What's that?.......no just dog gas. After a couple hours of hyper alert, and feeling confident that we were not in immediate danger, we went to bed. The reality in daylight was no less impressive. And the overwhelming response was, "How can you be so lucky???"
Now I suppose that is a matter of perspective. A tree falls in the forest, and noone is there to hear it....does it make a sound?   But a tree falling on your house in the middle of the night does make a sound - the reality of which is somewhat immediately followed by a pillow over the head sort of loud groan. A much more deflating sort of "Ooohhh, ssssshhhiiitttttt......" But to then assess the situation and feel instantly thankful, blessed, and lucky......... well, I guess that's just one of those emotional roller coaster rides of life that keep you hopping.  The roofer, tree man, neighbor, and insurance assessors confirmed the good luck in the ensuing hours. Of course it wasn't their house.......but still. Another nor'easter was on the way, so in true Maine let's get it done fashion, the chain saws fired up, truckloads of brush were hauled away, and now only a few piles of next year's firewood are stacked as a reminder of our good fortune. The snow is finally falling on the coast of Maine, and with luck.......depending on how you look at it.....we'll have some inches before the weekend is over. 
I really would like to try out my new snowshoes, and it's been really odd to have moved all this way north and to have been just about the only corner of the country that didn't have a very white Christmas this year.
So the champagne was good last night, and I managed to wake up from my nap on the couch a little before the new year rang in.
From good health, a happy tho slightly bruised home, and snowy New Year's Day, I wish each and all a truly Happy New Year.

If on a winter's night....

A few weeks or so ago I was sitting between my Celestion speakers, recovering from the swine flu, and otherwise doing nothing but listening to the divine sounds of Sting and friends. Some sounds are so pure and haunting that they are able to stop us in our tracks. How fragile we are. Sting talks about winter in a primal soul searching way. It is his favorite season. A time for true reflection and contemplation. I searched his nowabouts on the internet, and discovered he was playing a winter concert at Cathederal Church of St John the Divnine in NYC in a few days. If it hadn't been sold out, and I was not still sick, I likely might have jumped in my car and driven the 8 hours to light a candle in that incredible setting. Instead, I ordered the CD on Amazon. It arrived in the middle of a blizzard. And with a slice of solstice cake and cup of jingle java from my favorite coffee shop, I again settled between the speakers to revel in the soul searching of winter, and the setting sun, howling wind, and early dark of late afternoon.
Now it is the morning of Christmas Eve.The shortest day - and longest night - have come and gone. My new Maine house is full of Christmas and the scent of cinnamon and oranges and balsam. Corrina arrived from New York last night, along with her new companion Alvy the cat.  Winter in Maine. Our new snow shoes hang ready in the mud room - near the piles of mittens, hats, scarves, boots, and gloves. I am luxuriating in a string of days off with nothing to do but rest, eat well, enjoy good company, play games, read books, make music........   Truly reveling in a slower pace. Sliding into the holidays was somehow markedly different this year. Two weeks ago I was done shopping and my presents were wrapped. The tree was less hassel, tho no less beautiful in this northern home. I opted to forego baking and making candy until last night...and will only make what feels fun and enticing while Corrina is here.
Oddly, the year that I move to Maine, Virginia has gotten walloped with snow, and will have a far whiter Christmas than my corner of Maine. Oh we do have a few inches. The inland lakes are mostly frozen, and the first over-eager ice boater has crashed through the ice and drowned. But the sun will shine today and tomorrow, the temperatures rising above freezing. My new snow shoes will have to wait.
Wait. Wonder. Walk. Wooly. Winter.
Candlelight. It seems to capture all of the calming and contemplative grace of winter. We light candles for those in harm's way. We light candles to measure our sense of awe and wonder. Because it is simple and beautiful and warm. Because the face across the table glows in it's aura. Because our food tastes better - and more celebratory. Our traditions, new and old, circle us in a sense of time of wondering and caring.......for others, for the simple things that sustain us, for sharing the awe and wonder of family, old friends, and new years. The inward and spiritual filling of our souls and taking time to know ourselves and others - and to grow within as we wait for the rejuvenating winds of spring. 
Light a candle...........and Celebrate!

Against the current

AS THE CROW FLIES....OR NOT...
About 14 years ago I met a remarkable man in Bisbee Arizona. Jim Babcock, a multi-dimensional, creative, brilliant, and somewhat manic eccentric. He was a geologist, artist, writer, landscaper, and when I met him, proprietor of a truly eclectic bed and breakfast. In my few encounters with him on visits there, he said a lot of thought provoking things. Kind of scared the crap out of my young daughter on one visit when he started ranting a bit of existential stuff about her past and future incarnations. Later - years later - she remembered it clearly and admitted that it somehow did make a lot of sense. Anyway, the one thing that he said that always stood out the most to me was this. If you watch the way that all the birds are flying, and you head in the other direction, you'll never have any competition. I've thought about that often in a lot of contexts over the years, and it still rings loud for me.
Jim was one of a kind, and I'm sure there are lots of stories still circulating about him out there. He was, I suppose, a troubled soul, who lived life very large - when it wasn't consuming him. In very odd ways I've never quite understood, he reminded me a lot of my own father, who was almost exactly the same age. I expect they would have never cared for each other had they actually met in Cochise County, where they each spent much of their last years. But they both lived lives very much against the current, and each in their own way found unique reward far from the main stream.
I don't consider myself bold or brazen or driven enough to compare to Jim or my father. But something gleaned from them was the courage or at least curiosity to swim against the current. In a standardized and evermore globalized world, we are expected to funciton like lemmings. Go to school, get a job, get married, raise a family, invest in the stock market or retirement fund, buy insurance, join a church and health club....... and hope that it all works out. Then, when the shit hits the fan for the whole kit and kaboodle....like it has now in these economic times...I guess there's comfort in knowing that everyone is in the same boat. Of course the sad thing is that there are a lot of folks now feeling like they're going down with that boat. Not just the unemployed (more than 10% of us!) but also the overextended, the disenfranchised who can't buy insurance even if they want to, the health fanatics whose knees are caving underneath them. And unfortunately, in my line of work, we see the aftereffects like tidal waves sweeping through the little children who have no clue as to why life is so topsy-turvy.
I'm not sure there's anythng close to sense or comfort in bucking the system or status quo. Who moves to Maine when it's time to think about easing up and retiring? I can't tell you how many people raised their eyebrows at my decision, and questioned my recollection of the meaning of the word "winter." Who buys a house where taxes are some of the highest in the nation, and the economy riddled with some of the toughest problems out there? Hmmmmm, all good points....and ones I'm pretty sure I was well apprised of when I made my move. But there is something here - beyond long cold winters and high taxes, that is hard to pinpoint. Incredible beauty, for sure. Also, a spirit of deep-rooted survival and independence. A tendency to create, and to conquer challenges in unique ways. To commune, commiserate, question anyone's authority, and stubbornly refuse to conform to someone else's idea of what we should be.  Where there are WalMarts and McDonalds up here (few and far in between) there are a LOT of people apologizing and wishing that they'd never let that happen. There are more people here making lives in fully individualistic ways than anywhere else I've ever been.

I hope I can live up to my own expectations of charting new courses here. Of simplifying life, and living at a pace that allows time to really clebrate and enjoy the company of amazing fellow Mainers and the incredible beauty here. Of finding my own underlying creative winds and following their lead. Ah-yup. The snow birds are all heading south, and I am truly pleased to be settling in to a quieter pace and place where I believe I really can hear myself think better. There is one truly Maine cartoon that always makes me chuckle. A Mainer is sitting on the porch and a car with out of state plates pulls up, rolls down the window, and someone leans out and says, "Does it matter if I take route 1 or route 90 to Camden?" The guy on the porch keeps rocking and says, "Don't matter to me one way or t'other."  If that makes no sense to you, Maine is probably not your kind of place. If it made you laugh out loud, you probably already live here. If it made you chuckle, you might want to come take a closer look.

Jet Setting

900 MILES
This past weekend, for the first time, I flew to Virginia as a visitor, and back home to Maine. It was a little strange revisiting the house I had lived in for almost 20 years, now a rental, to do yard maintenance. I keep a little apartment in the basement there, but opted to stay with my dear friend Pam, as the time was short, and given the new arrangement, felt more natural.

Both routes south and north were unbelievably swift and uncomplicated. Heading to Charlottesville, after my brief layover in NYC, I got on the plane with two prominent film critics - also headed to the Virginia Film festival. I felt a little smug in their company, and eavesdropped on their commentary about upcoming films and discussions. With such short hours for catching up to friends and my house there, I limited myself to a mere 3 films. One was remarkable - Mother and Child, a new thought provoking adventure by Rodrigo Garcia, son of the infamous Gabriel Garcia Marquez. Rodrigo is known for writing roles for women that stars will play for little promise of financial reward, and this was another in that lane. The performances were stellar, especially that of Annette Benning. I urge you to see it where you can when it is eventually released in May of 2010. You can check it out before then on imdb.

I wish I had photos to share from the flight back home to Maine. The day was splendid, and the views incredible. Lifting above the Blue Ridge in the early November morning, the hills were peppered with the late fall colors and pink glow over the blue mountains. Still the light haze that renders the subtle hues of Virginia. High above Long island sound, I traced the shoreline to memory to later research the dot that I imagined to be Harrison and home of my daughter, and was delighted that I was fairly close in my intuitive guess. Flying into Portland, across the Casco Bay and islands gave a feeling of peace and comfort, despite the noticeable decrease in fall color from just a few days ago. In a mere 4 hours and a few minutes I had jumped from my Virginia home to Maine. The easy 90 minute drive up the glorious coast gave me time to relish both the ease of transitions and the beauty of the coastline of which I expect I will never tire. Brunswick, Bath, Wiscasset, Waldoboro, Thomaston, Rockland. Turf and bays that are etching their familiarity slowly into my soul. It helped of course, that the Indian summer had followed me northward, and it was approaching 60 degrees.
I arrived at work midday Monday, a little late for my weekly provider meeting. Relaxed, rejuvenated, and marveling a bit at the ease of transitions between here and there. Checking in at home a few hours later, all was well with dog and boiler. Having neighbors to keep an eye on things is huge, and hugely appreciated.

Now it is another Friday, and I am looking at the luxury of my three day weekend at home. I will rake the last of the leaves, and do some bagging and 'banking' - stacking them tight against the north and west foundation walls to add a little extra insulation against the winter cold and winds. Arrange the last of my firewood, and buy a couple more tarps to keep it relatively dry.  I brought back my favorite cookie sheets that I had forgotten in the move northward. My little Jotul is ready to light. I am excited about the thoughts of baking and decorating for the holiday season ahead, and very happy to be at home in Maine. I am warmed by the reconnections with dear friends in Virginia, and the ease of jetting down to see them. I expect that my flow of visitors will trickle to a halt in the winter months ahead, and give me time to wallow in homefires, projects, and growing my community here. The quiet and calm beauty of Maine covered with snow. I am comforted with knowing how easy it is to get on a plane and change climates when the need arises, and thinking a little about my February escape. But more overwhelmingly at the moment, I am loving the settling feeling of hunkering down for the winter. Stop by for cookies and tea or a game of Scrabble if you're inclined. 

First Frost

HALLOWEEN

Actually windy and warm, but also gray and foreboding, the leaves swirling down at a November pace. The sailboats are mostly pulled from the harbor - wrapped and stored for the winter, or far away in warmer waters. The lobster boats are far fewer in number. I guess only the toughest tough it out in the colder months ahead.

I ordered some more replacement windows, and wait for the insulation guys to show up to foam spray my rim joists, seal the chimney shaft, and blow in a lot more cellulose. My little Jotul is crackling in the kitchen. It was actually close to 60 degrees today.....hardly threatening, but it still feels cozier with a little glow and the scent of wood. Plus my bother-in-law bought me a nice axe while visiting recently, and I felt woodsy splitting up some more kindling today.   

The trick-or-treaters arrived, but not nearly in as many numbers as my neighbors had predicted, and now I am stuck with a big bag of awful candy sitting at the front door. I wasn't brave enough to follow the Obama lead and hand out dried fruit. Maybe I've become a chocolate snob, but Butterfingers and Kit Kats are disgusting these days!     

                I'm beginning to think that maybe Maine isn't a whole lot different than Virginia. After all, it is now November, and I miraculously still have flowers blooming in my little courtyard and in my window boxes. Daisies, lobelia, petunias, ageratum, sweet potato vine, nemesia, sidalcea, guara. The basil and tomatoes are frosted, but not the tarragon, savory, parlsey, rosemary, lavendar, arugula, hearty lettuces, or sage. The pineapple sage, a late blooming pendulous red favorite is full of buds, and yet to bloom. I promise I'll share unaltered pictures if and when it does. I have yet to mulch in my weeping cherry, pee gee hydrangea, and assorted shrubs planted this year. A chore I guess I should put on the today list. My mud room is full of potted plants I've pulled in to extend their season as long as they can tolerate my neglect. I'm not much of a houseplant person. And the new energy efficient windows I've had installed actually block out ultraviolet rays and make it hard to raise houseplants - except for African violets. Maybe I'll try those, as I've never been successful at keeping them alive and blooming, tho I have fond memories of my grandmother's many pots in different colors.      

                     Just in case you think I have delusions of the tropics here, I have scraped frost off of my windshield three or so times in October. I do have a big shovel handy, and a fair amount of wood stacked near the kitchen door. I imagine myself devouring novels under one of my ready fleece and woven throws tossed onto my sofa and chairs. Or taking up knitting. Tho I remain a devoted coffee drinker - with my bottle of Jamison's for an occasional embellishment, I also now have a favorite couple of large teacups, and my trusty box of P&G  tea. Is it proper to add Irish whiskey to British tea? My brother, a veteran of long cold winters in Wisconsin, sent me an early Christmas present - a warm pair of Merrell boots. Luxurious! A sucker for jackets and coats, I am embarassed to tell you how many down, wool, and windbreaker options I have hanging in my mudroom. The Goodwill store here is unbelievable.

So, I think I'm almost ready. The time change last night offered up a welcome earlier sunrise. No doubt the earlier sunset will be tougher.......but in another 7 weeks the days start to get longer again. I've been collecting Christmas yard art, and starting to imagine the house full of candles and Pavorotti and scent of Maine balsam. OK.......so I'm also excited about getting on a plane this week and heading to Virginia for a long weekend of extended fall, old friends, and film festival. Also cruising the travel networks plotting my deep winter getaway in February or early March. Getting on the seed catalog mailing lists. Seasons change. Life is good.

Common Ground

The past two weekends have offered up two quintessentially Maine experiences - The Common Ground Fair, and the Camden International Film Festival.  http://www.mofga.org/  http://www.camdenfilmfest.org/


What defines Mainers tends to show up loudly at these events, and I am slowly trying to put my finger on it. Rugged independence. Strong opinions. Sustainable living. A tendency to take on all the big issues while eeking out creative lifestyles and surviving against - well - odds stacked pretty heavily against them. The weather is tough. The economy tougher. Yet from both sides of the political arena you have hale and hearty neighbors that share a common ground that they argue loudly about preserving. All the while chanting "Quality of life....quality of life....quality of life.."

The Common Ground Fair is chock full of made in Maine experiences. It's in a remote location in the middle of the state, and thousands of people arrive to celebrate. You ride across fields in an antique tractor pulled wagon to the large fairground. All of the vendors are local, persevering, and proud. Knitters, spinners, boat builders, soap makers, beekeepers, potters, felters, jewelry makers, and farmers. Lots of farmers. All organic farmers. They are strict about who gets to sell what. Lots of political organizations are there as well - and you can go learn or debate about health care, offshore wind farming, fisheries, pesticides, wildlife, forestry, or countless other issues that affect us here here in Maine. The food selections were tough, and I finally settled on a yummy Mediterranean -ish eggplant sandwich. Which got me thinking. All of the ingredients were supposed to be local and organic, and I'm wondering how the heck they were able to grow that many eggplants here in Maine. My own few eggplants planted in richly composted raised beds are approximately the same size as when I planted them in early June - about 4 inches high sprouting 2-3 pairs of leaves. I felt a little suspicious. Then I needed an energy booster, and started looking for a cup of coffee, knowing I had seen signs somewhere. Now of course coffee is not grown in Maine, but I guess they cleared vendors who roast it here, and buy from good practice farmers in other places. My favorite coffee roaster from my home town was there, and as I know they have great coffee, I stopped there. hoping also for one of their wonderful cookies, but no such luck. "You didn't bring any cookies?" I asked plaintively.  "No, we don't bake without sugar - maybe next year we'll make something with honey..."  "You mean there's no sugar anywhere at this fair?!!?" (I'd seen banners for pie and ice cream.....even fried dough!!) "Nope, not supposed to be."   Hmmm, now who decides that I start to wonder. Granted, I hadn't seen one of the bezillion children at the fair whigging out or throwing a tantrum. But I needed a pick-me-up. Why coffee and not sugar? I started arguing with myself. Neither products are exactly local. And both can be 'processed' or refined in healthier ways.. And don't we all know by now that words like 'organic,' 'natural,' 'chemical-free,' etc. are subject to interpretation..........?  OK, I'm picking an argument where there isn't really one. I just needed a sugar fix. But it is always good to question the rules, right? Hey, allowing for equal time, I also questioned the allowed vendors at the Lobster Festival - where they were selling (I kid you not) Deep-fried Twinkies. ( No, I couldn't bring myself to try them...) The point is.....there are a lot of strong opinions of PC up here. And a lot of people trying hard to get it right.

The film festival, which is all documentaries, was also stacked heavily with made in Maine and local issues like fisheries and conservation and such. For some befuddling reason they gave the 'best of weekend' award to a French film about poverty in Sao Paulo, Brazil. It was our least favorite film.  Though beautifully shot, it seemed kind of pointless, and a rather arrogant glimpse of  'those' poor people, with no insight whatsoever about a global or otherwise vision of how to change glaring poverty in third world countries. In a weekend filled with very good films it seemed oddly out of sync with the common ground of good common sense. My filmmaker daughter was here to share the event and we agreed on our favorites of the festival - Philosopher Kings http://www.philosopherkingsmovie.com/ , offering up great words of wisdom and perspectives of custodians at some of America's elite universities, and October Country http://www.octobercountryfilm.com/ , a penetrating and poignant look at a dysfunctional but loving family strapped by poverty, abuse, violence, teen pregnancy, and recyclical patterns of failure and victimization. (sounds cheery, huh?) Neither particularly Maine films.....but both stirred interesting discussion and food for thought. I guess we actually missed many of the more intrinsically Maine films, but the weekend discussions were - as you come to expect in Maine - thought provoking, argumentative, and far reaching. Very different, tho in ways hard to describe, than film discussions at the VA film festival, which are sometimes embarrassingly academic and unsubstantial. The weekend wrapped with an interesting history doc about the evolution of the environmental movement - Earth Days. Recommended, and well, it was impressive to see how well-preserved some of the founders of the environmental movement look these day - like Stewart Udall who at 87 still looks darn good, as did the other pioneers of the movement. It was pretty strong imaging for getting it right. http://www.earthdaysmovie.com/

So...I'm not quite sure of the common thread here. Except the ongoing attempt to paint what it is that defines Mainers. I think I'm back to my first sketches. Rugged individualism. Strong opinions. and .....maybe survivalism, which I think better captures this whole idea of sustainable living -which like 'organic' and 'natural' is wrought with problematic rhetoric. Anyway, as I head into winter, I am happy to be battening down the hatches with my new neighbors, sharing a common "cultchah."

On the cusp

Autumnal Equinox

When day and night are almost equal in length. After which, of course, the days get shorter and shorter until the winter solstice. In Maine, on Dec 21 the sun will rise at 7AM and set at 4PM. Gulp. Some say the early darkness and light deprivation in general are harder on the psyche than the cold, snow, and ice itself. I must be a bit anxious about it because I had a dream last night that it was September 21st, and I woke up to a world covered in snow and ice - and burst into tears. Of course in reality, I woke up to a beautiful sunny day, and calmed down over breakfast and coffee on my deck. My daisies and nasturtiums and garden full of flowers, herbs, and cherry tomatoes were cheerful and promising. Another day to procrastinate battening down the hatches, as the thermometer was moving upward on its way to 70. Whew!

What is it about fall that makes us so pensive and melancholy?  Of course this year, there's a lot of change in the air around me. Up and move at 58 - new job, new home, new community, new friends. The house and job were a relative snap. Both fell so rightly into place - and I can honestly say I feel right with both. And both are leading to new friends as well. But what's that saying ...... "There's no mirror like an old friend?" Thankfully, staying in touch is a lot easier in the 21st century than ever, and travel accessible. I recently had a great visit from my dear friend Pam. We met 24 years ago when our kids were both in the NICU. Not your everyday shared experience. Then we ended up in the same neighborhood and there were playdates, birthday parties, shared dinners, teaching the kids to ride bikes and sending them off to school. And then the divorces, the single parenting, financial stresses, survival, coming of age for the kids AND us. And through it all - a lot of laughter. And now we're empty nesters 900 miles apart, and trying to figure out how to have quality time in concentrated blocks here, there, or somewhere else once in a while. Having almost 4 days of fine Maine late summer was a good start.....
In between work and 'retire'ment as well......or so I thought. Maybe more like putting on a new set of tires to roll through new turf with my loved work with little people. They of course are some of my favorite new friends. Nothing quite like hanging with a two year old boy who is trying to figure out how to tell you what's on his mind. Fresh slates to draw on. Not at all like meeting 62ish year old boys (or women) who drag a lot of baggage along with them, though the layers of stacked experience do make us an interesting lot for the most part. Working / playing with little people is like living in eternal springtime. The curiousity and openness with which they typically approach life is infectious and empowering. Without renewal, it's hard to face winter. I get some of the same sense of hope and promise planting bulbs about the time of the autumnal equinox. In gardening, I think there is nothing more rewarding. At 44 degrees latitude, I expect spring blooms will stir elation.
On saving for retirement - or preparing for that kind of winter. Hmmmm. I keep wrestling with that one. The whole concept of retirement 'funds' is really all so recent. Only in 'developed' western culture do we presume that it is the responsibility of the individual to support him or herself as we age. Of course a mere 100 or so years ago, the life expectancy was 30 years younger, or about 48-50. I still find that staggering. So now, at 58, do I continue to build my retirement fund, presuming that I will be able to buy quality of life 20 years from now (??????), or do I focus more on phasing in my actual retirement NOW, realign my daily priorities NOW, and hope that somehow luck, reasonable fiscal planning, and listening to my own biological clock will free up some of the stress of worrying about tomorrow. OK, I first have to admit that I have no 401-K 403(B), pension plan, etc. etc. Nothing traditional in my retirement plan, except for a very small Roth IRA. It, like most of my friends' retirement "investments" has performed poorly. Plenty of them (friends) are freaking out because what they had saved for tomorrow has been shrinking rather than growing for what seems like a long time now. Many can't even look at their statements, even tho it's just a  number. I think the bottom line as I see it is that if you don't invest in OTHERS - especially our KIDS - there will be no safety net in the last laps of life.
OK, that's plenty enough musing for today. We narrowly escaped an early frost last night, and it's time to head out, enjoy the sunshine, and get some of those spring bulbs planted!